Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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