And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
