She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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