You just made me feel so damn special
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
