I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
