Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
