she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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