By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
