He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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