If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
