You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize