Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
