You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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