Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
