I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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