never play flip cup with pint glasses
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
