WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
