Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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