I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
