the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
