Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
