I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
