i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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