...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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