honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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