the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am naked and annoyed.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
