my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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