god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
