I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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