Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
