What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
