He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
