He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
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I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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