is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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