I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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