Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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