Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize