mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.