I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.