Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media