I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
it's like iHOP with fire
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.