Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important