Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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