I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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