well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
