No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
