We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
