I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
