Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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