I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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