So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
