I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
