her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.