She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
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The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?