going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.