I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?