What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye