so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't deserve a penis
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something