Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize