Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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