I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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