Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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