Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
