It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
