Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
