i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
