Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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