she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
