When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i think my cat just said my name.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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