My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
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I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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