Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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